The Christmas Tree Inferno  

Let me paint you a mental picture. You have this old, dry Christmas tree that you need to get rid of. It just so happens you also have a fire pit in which you are able to get rid of things by burning them. What do you do?

A logical progression of thoughts would lead most people to the idea of turning that tree into firewood and having an old fashioned marshmallow roast, suburban-style. Sure, you could always pay the boy scouts $5 to haul it away, but to make a point I'm sure most of my (13-year-old male) readers will agree with me on -- FIRE!!!

So it was decided. Chop that bitch up and make some motherfucking s'mores. Awwww yeah. Then, somewhere along the way, an even greater idea was birthed. Why not just plant the whole tree in the middle of the fire pit and watch it light up/go down in a blaze of glory? We even spun the idea as a good way to teach the kids about the need for heightened fire safety during the holidays. We also made sure to film it so, you know, the kids could re-live this educational experience over and over again:

So yeah, that turned out to be not such a great idea after all. Seriously, who could have guessed? I knew the flames would be high, but I hadn't expected them to shoot (along with hot cinders) almost 30 feet up into the air, closing over half the distance to the lowermost branch of a nearby spruce tree. Also, I'm not sure this ended up being the best fire safety lesson for the kids either, considering the following:

  1. What we did was in no way safe.
  2. I'm pretty sure my kids already know better than to light a tree on fire; especially one that's in our house and directly above all their presents.
  3. Dousing the fire was definitely the right decision, but the spray of hot ash it sent into the air didn't exactly help the overall cause.
  4. Fun bonus game/addition to point #1 -- re-watch the video and see if you can spot the propane tank!

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