I May Have More OCD Friends Than I Realized  

The more I thought about Monday's post (which has since been updated with EVEN MORE examples of my alleged dickheadery), the more I began thinking of all the little things that get under my skin because of those who refuse to cater to my quirks. Does this make me a hypocrite? Maybe (OK probably), but I prefer to think of myself as an abstruse dichotomy dipped in anomalies and wrapped in bacon. You know, seeing as everything is better wrapped in bacon. Here are some of the things I choose not to participate in, all of which should be considered a net win for those as crazy as myself:
  • I'm not the guy who puts small food containers on the top shelf of the fridge.
  • I'm not the guy who says "like," "um," or "ya know what I'm sayin" every 5 seconds in a conversation.
  • I'm not the guy who forces other people to use coasters.
  • I'm not the guy who talks obnoxiously loud on his phone in an otherwise quiet, occupied space.
  • I'm not the guy who leaves the toilet seat up. EVER.
  • I'm not the guy who leaves the opening of the toothpaste tube looking like a dirty, crusty butthole.
  • I'm not the guy who takes up two parking spaces.
  • I'm not the guy who doesn't know how the self-checkout at the grocery store works, but insists on using it anyway.
  • I'm not the guy who wants to know more about your religion.
  • I'm not the guy who uses the "reply to all" button without good reason.
  • I'm not the guy who thinks owning a cat/dog makes you a "mommy" or a "daddy".
  • I'm not the guy who leaves hair in the soap.
  • I'm not the guy who puts you on speakerphone without telling you.
  • I'm not the guy who tYpEs LiKe mY KeyBOarD Is HaVINg a SEizUrE.
  • I'm not the guy who uses "literally" as my go-to hyperbolic device.
  • I'm not the guy who put his children on a leash.
  • I'm not the guy who wears electronic devices clipped to his belt.
  • I'm not the guy who accidentally gleeks on your face while talking to you.
  • I'm not the guy who writes in library books.
  • I'm not the guy who shakes hands like a 4-year-old girl.
  • I'm not the guy who thinks that it's pronounced "CAR-MEL".
  • I'm not the guy who constantly nods his head "yes" during meetings.
  • I'm not the guy who allows others to make me re-think who I am.

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