Christmas in the Northwest  

In Seattle they have a saying: "if you don't like the weather, wait five minutes...and then shoot yourself" -- Doug Benson

No time is this statement more truthful than right around Christmas. Sure, we sometimes luck out with a few inches of flakey white stuff (aka SNOWPOCALYPSE - the entire city grinds to a halt), or in the case of this year, Christmas day is forecasted to be mostly sunny and above freezing. Even still, Christmas in the Northwest is typically a wet gray mess where the only time you'll encounter "sunshine" is when it's being used as a passive-aggressive moniker by someone about to throw scalding coffee in your face.

However, this morning I had a much different experience on the bus and just had to share it with all of you. It was seriously like I had been bukkaked with the Christmas spirt -- cue scene!

JAY is sitting in his usual seat on the bus, silently wishing that the copy of Men's Health he was reading had an article on the best method for adding extra holes to your belt.

Enter onto the bus BIKER, late 20's and dressed head-to-toe in drenched bikewear, who takes the seat directly opposite JAY. As BIKER peels off his jacket, JAY is surprised to see a second jacket underneath, this one a slimmed-down version of Santa's costume.

JAY (eyeing BIKER's hipster Santa suit): Playing office Santa?

BIKER: Nah. I've been wearing this out to the bars for the past week, and the ladies are really digging it.

JAY: I thought I smelled beer.

BIKER: What?

JAY: So that costume gives you good luck with women?

BIKER: It's more than that. Girls are attracted to the suit; like they can screw their way onto the nice list or something.

JAY: Do you have any good Santa pickup lines? Something about your North Pole maybe?

BIKER: Not really. I mean, once you've got a girl sitting on your lap and give her a piece of candy, she's pretty much yours.

BIKER throw his hand up for a high five, which JAY almost doesn't reciprocate.


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