Let Me Clear My Throat  

As with all of the previous challenges, I'm not going to spend a lot of time wriggling around in the afterbirth of my triumph. The only real contention I ever seem face at the end of these things anyway is all in my head; for a few days after I'll suddenly sit up in bed at 2 a.m., freaking out over not posting something that was never required of me in the first place. I suppose that's still an improvement on the dog-sized spiders that typically haunt my dreams. I've also got the whole "haven't done a real post in over a month" thing working for me right now, and I couldn't in good conscience continue to call this blog a blog if I didn't catch you up on a few of the banalities of my life.

For starters, I'd like to welcome back the winter beard. Those of you only able to pick me out of a lineup based on my profile picture may be surprised to learn that the stunning facial fur I'm sporting in said pic is not a year-round occurrence. October and November are generally the only time the beard emerges, and by no coincidence the two months unofficially called "the octo-fortnight of awesomeness" around my house. All I really need is to convince someone other than myself to call it that in order to make it official though. Anyway, here's a picture of my progress so far; and yes I realize I need both a haircut and a new camera.

Moving along, I recently checked my blood pressure at one of those free stations that are pharmacy-adjacent at most supermarkets, with some pretty startling results. And I don't mean the kind of startling results we would come up with when I was a kid, like how I could endure 15 seconds of sustained titty-twisting from my older brother before moving enough to activate the station's "Please hold still -- Testing in progress" light. The result in question is the one that showed my blood pressure at 141/69, or as those in the medical community refer to it, stage 1 hypertension. Now despite that being the average of three separate readings the machine gave, I'll concede to the possibility of it being faulty and/or somehow compromised by the four Red Bulls I had earlier that day. All the same, I might have to look a little deeper into making some actual lifestyle changes, as merely talking about them no longer seems to be doing the trick.

There are a few other things I'd like to catch you all up on, several of which are arguably more interesting than my prematurely failing health, but I'm going to take a stab in the dark that your attention spans for reading about these things rivals my own in regards to writing about them, so consider yourselves cut off until Wednesday. However, before I go I wanted to briefly touch on the fact that at some point in the last 10 days I lost a follower. Not that I necessarily care about that sort of thing, but if I did, I would want them to know that they can go eat a dick.

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20 Reasons to Live

  • Dezzy Lou Where Are You  
    November 9, 2009 at 6:24 AM

    I work with a guy that constantly has his facial hair on a rotating schedule... its seriously never the same for longer than two weeks at a time.

  • Fat Sparrow  
    November 9, 2009 at 6:38 AM

    I believe that is more hair than I could grow on my entire body, head included.

    And were you at Wal-Mart when you checked your blood pressure? Wal-Mart always sends me into whatever stage is right below having a stroke.

    You will also be releived to know that I have finally posted something on my blog. It was just too much guilting for me to take.

  • Ed Adams  
    November 9, 2009 at 7:02 AM

    Mmmmm, dick.

    It's what's for dinner.

    Oh wait.

    I thought you said Andy Dick.

  • shine  
    November 9, 2009 at 7:26 AM

    Great. THANKS.

    I now have the Stayin' Alive remake by Wyclef Jean stuck in my head.

  • jin  
    November 9, 2009 at 7:42 AM

    Good Morning!
    I have fabulous news... you have won my contest! I haven't posted the results yet because I've been terribly busy doing other things (alright, not busy at all just got delightfully sidetracked ;-) but you won you won you won! I need an addy to send your sweetbox to which will go out by tomorrow afternoon... just drop me a line at:
    and have a great day!!! :-D

  • Christine Gram  
    November 9, 2009 at 8:07 AM

    Wow, you're fuzzy. Must be nice to have a break from shaving. Yea, I definitely don't envy having to shave my face (knock on wood)

  • FilmFemme  
    November 9, 2009 at 9:57 AM

    First: I'm not a doctor & you should probably see one, but I do have high blood pressure and 141/69 is really not a big deal at all. Normal is 135/85 so your bottom number is actually pretty low and my experience is that top number (yeah, there are fancy words for them that I always get mixed up) is a lot more variable. So I wouldn't be too worried, if you are.

    Second: mmmm, beard. <3 <3

  • Kellie  
    November 9, 2009 at 10:07 AM

    Your beard is thick. Impressive. :)

    I also lost a follower. WTF. Doesn't it just irk you? Like, what the hell did I do wrong. Asshats.

  • Toe  
    November 9, 2009 at 11:13 AM

    So that's what that time is called. I'll let the Hubs know since he is now sporting "the octo-fortnight of awsomeness". Thanks, we didn't have an official name.

    Yeah, getting old sucks and just thinking the words "lifestyle change" gives me the shivers I mean, how come I can't pound down that box of Oreo's without thinking cholesterol and sugar intake?!

  • Captain Dumbass  
    November 9, 2009 at 2:05 PM

    Congrats on the hair. I've tried letting mine go a few times but I just end up looking like a criminal. Or like my dad. I lost a follower the other day too, might have just been somebody deleting their blog. Or they're just assholes.

  • Meg Kathleen  
    November 9, 2009 at 3:46 PM

    Soooo...are you trying to tell me that The Secret is wrong? That thinking and talking about what I want won't make it happen?

  • Anonymous  
    November 9, 2009 at 4:19 PM

    Wooo Hooo! He's back!

  • Christie  
    November 9, 2009 at 4:33 PM

    I would like it noted that I have not given you nearly as much shit for the beard this year than I did last year. And although I stopped shaving my legs when you started growing the beard, you have barely complained. Thank you.

  • James  
    November 9, 2009 at 4:38 PM

    Beard envy? Check.

  • Anonymous  
    November 10, 2009 at 2:56 AM

    Four Red Bulls? You are my god.

  • Anonymous  
    November 10, 2009 at 2:58 AM

    AND-- you should change your polls more often because holy crappola, I just died a little on the inside from too much funny.

  • Anonymous  
    November 10, 2009 at 10:25 AM

    I lost a follower too. Bastards!

  • Heather Rose  
    November 10, 2009 at 10:59 AM

    I don't really pay attention to my followers here in blog land, because it depresses me at how few of them there are. *sniffs*

  • Heather Rose  
    November 10, 2009 at 11:00 AM

    P.S. Is that a Beastie Boys reference in the title there? Hmmm? ^_^

  • Monkey Girl  
    November 11, 2009 at 9:08 AM

    Good for you christie, I, too would use that as an excuse to stop shaving my legs...actually I'll use any excuse.

    The beard is impressive, my husband would be jealous.

    I, too lost a follower. I try not to care, but it's irritating none the less. Liverpool is sucking this year but you don't see me all of a sudden becoming a Man City fan. This reference might be lost on 99.9% of your readers.

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