All of These Things Need to Go Away  

Any and everything related to next week's release of New Moon. Yes, this even includes the X-rated version, New Poon.

In-store Christmas displays. They've been up since the Monday after Halloween, and the only way I'm buying any of that junk sooner than the day after Christmas is if it's a zombie nativity scene.

Swine flu. Get a vaccine if you can find one, don't yawn around sneezy people, and wash your damn hands.

Photo montages and/or sappy videos set to Green Day's "Time of Your Life". The only situation in which it's appropriate to use that song is in remembrance of someone you didn't know well enough to say something original about.

The sudden and unwelcome increase in instances of people telling me "It is what it is". Things are going great right now, so I'm unsure as to why others think I need to hear that hollow sentiment. Unless of course "what it is" is them dying in a fire.

Jean-Claude Van Damme. I mean seriously; you can only let so many heartfelt fan letters go unanswered before giving up on someone.

November 23rd. It's no small coincidence that this is my 30th birthday. If anyone questions my constant, belligerent drunkenness next weekend, I'll probably just start ranting about how awesome 1995 was until they leave me alone.

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23 Reasons to Live

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