Out of Context Clips from Posts in Draft That I Won't be Publishing  

Sometimes it's appallingly obvious that I should refrain from hitting the publish button out of everyone's best interest -- my own especially. I'm sure this kind of premature postulation is fairly common amongst us bloggers, so I hope you guys can appreciate these snippets from the multitude of frightening and/or unfinished posts destined to never have the judging eyes of the internet set upon them:

"This girl was so pretty, no doubt she was swatting away balls faster than a coked-up tennis player."

"...as if it had anything to do with the size of my penis, regardless of how substantial that may be."

"Say what you will about welfare's burden on our financial system, but it's not like you were going to eat all that government cheese and powdered milk yourself."

"I'm not the kind of guy to try and change who a person is, with the exception of smokers, vegans, Republicans, Mormons, and Mexicans."

"Sweet snowballing Jesus!"

"Personally, I would rather be sodomized by a cactus. That had been dipped in Tabasco."

"The trick here is to ensure that you don't make eye contact with the beast more than once every 8 hours."

"A sentence is just a sentence, unless of course there's a judge involved."

"I wouldn't have said yes to coffee if I had known my crotch would be the one drinking it."

"...grammar jokes make my boner happy."

"He tore through her hymen with such intensity, it would have made perfect sense for him to shout 'Oh Yeah!' like the fucking Kool-Aid man."

"It's kind of like a vagina, only older and much sadder looking."

"The moral of this story is that you should always hit the bar after giving blood; it just makes solid financial sense."

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