Please Welcome YSOK from NYC for 20SB  

As part of the highly anticipated 20sb blog swap, I was fortunate enough to be paired with Erica, keeper of You Should Only Know and self-professed lover of geeks everywhere. You may not know this, particularly because I have never told anyone, but last year the 20sb crew assigned me to blog swap with someone who could easily be described as the worst blogger ever. Her blog was a nonstop demented fun house ride of vapid self-promoting blather, and the thought of sharing the same planet with her -- let alone the pages of my blog -- was almost enough to make me want to devote my life to solving quantum gravity, inventing time travel, and murdering her entire ancestral line.

Thankfully, such is not the case with Erica or her blog. She's funny, smart, and even manages to remind us from time to time that our existence does not come without the price of responsibility, that our actions are the voice with which we speak to the world. Oh, and she's totally into fake mustaches!

One trait that she and I obviously share is a penchant for procrastination. Generally I like to refer to myself as a "clutch player," but as we're now a full day past the deadline that statement offers either of us little help. So, Erica and I took a well-traveled path to bring you today's blog swap, wherein each of us poses 5 questions to the other in a mini interview style. I hope you have as much fun reading her answers as I did writing the questions, and by all means feel free to add you own answers in the comments sections if you feel compelled to do so.

~~~~~~~~~~oOo~~~~~~~~~~

Scenario #1: You have to be killed for the greater good of mankind, and as if that weren't enough, society demands that your death NOT be a quick OR painless one. However, you are being granted the courtesy of deciding exactly how you'll meet your end. The dying part must take at least an hour, but no more than 24 hours. In what manner do you choose to perish?

Oh geez. This is … horrifying. So, drowning being burned alive is out, and being buried alive is one of my worst fears. I suppose skydiving without a net is out, because that would be kind of painless and I don’t think you can dive for an hour. I want to say some sort of exsanguination – there is the fun fear of death, and the pain of whatever is pricking me, but I will probably get to drift off to sleep. Does that count? I don’t think that counts. What if I made it some sort of vampire thing?

Marry-Fuck-Kill: Amy Winehouse, Bill O'Reilly, and Marjory (the trash heap from Fraggle Rock). Explain the reasoning behind your answers.

Marry is easy. Marjory has always been a love of mine (no explanation needed!). We would just hang out all day together, discussing literature and the nature of life, entertaining friends and perhaps growing radishes. I would propose now, if I could.

I would kill Amy Winehouse. Not out of any particular malice, but more as a favor. She seems to be trying to do that anyway, and think about how her family would profit off of any record sales. She would become an “Icon.” And, it would save us from any future possible offspring.

I have to say, I would probably fuck Bill O’Reilly. I have never had the particular experience of screwing someone I really despise and seems like as good a time as any. Also, no weird lingering “emotional connection” to get in the way.

What is your least favorite [U.S.] state, and how would you update that state's motto to reflect your particular disdain for it?

This was tough. I wanted to say Florida, but there are some redeeming pockets. And as a New Yorker, everything between the coasts just kind of becomes “Middle America” or “The Red States” but after consulting a map, and trying to find something redeeming about each state, I found one that I just can’t get behind. South Dakota. Even their tourism website couldn’t think of much to say about it. And it’s taking up space. Do we really need a North AND South Dakota? Can’t we blend them together, and add in Puerto Rico (to avoid changing our flag).

So, we will change the motto from “Under God, the People Rule” (seriously?!) to “We will make decisions based on reason and civil liberties, and not hide or intolerant beliefs behind our own crazy version of a “Christian God.”

Scenario #2: You have been catapulted forward through time, discovering that in the distant future, humans have an immense appreciation for both conversational brevity and ultra-vintage-retro pop music. Please explain the phenomenon that was the talented train wreck known as Michael Jackson, and do so in exactly six words.

We Love When People Go Nuts

Please list out the best phrase that would be created by using each of our names as acronyms. Feel free to use my real name, Jonathan, if need be.

Join
Only
Natural
Ashrams -
Those
Horny
Aging
Naturopaths
Eternally
Receive
Inorganic
Compounds.
Aces!

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8 Reasons to Live

  • Monkey Girl  
    July 23, 2009 at 5:26 PM

    Scenario #1:
    Stuffing food in my mouth until I actually explode.

    #2:
    Kill Bill O'Reilly...for obvious reasons
    Marry Marjory...no biggy
    Fuck Amy Winehouse...my only choice as the other ones were taken...however I must say I don't think I could go down on her...so it could be a problem...plus my HIV/AIDS phobia.

    #3:
    I can't answer this question, as I've already made my prejudices known and got crap for it for weeks.

    Scenario #2:

    We all understand ultimate self haters

    #4:

    J Juicy
    O Orgies
    N Need
    M Munchies
    O Oogle
    N nectar
    K Knitting
    E Etsy
    Y Young
    G Goo
    I Igloo
    R Real
    L Lusting

    That was just exhausting.

    BTW, I adore you but you can't call me a princess. It goes against everything I stand for...

    Cut me some slack, I'm in Disneyland, it's 90 degrees and I haven't had a good cocktail in days.

  • James  
    July 23, 2009 at 6:36 PM

    Scenario #1 - Make me run until I die. Maybe chase me with a swarm of bats to keep me running. I'm scared to death of those things.

    Kill - Amy Winehouse. Shouldn't be too hard. I'd just need to let her keep on keepin' on.

    Marry - Marjory. She's a know-it-all. Isn't that who all guys marry?

    Fuck - Bill O'Reilly. OK, I'm taking one for the team here. I promise I won't enjoy it, but c'mon, we know how much it would destroy Bill. We could put it on the internet. A fate far worse than death. Plus, the rest of the world would pretty much owe me big time for the rest of eternity.

    Least favorite state: I haven't been to them all, but I'll go with Rhode Island. It's smaller than most metropolitan areas. How is it even a state? Even it's motto is small: "Hope." That's it. I'd make it, "We hope size doesn't matter. (But we know it really does.)"

    Scenario #2: Fred Astaire meets Pee Wee Herman.

    Just
    Ahead
    Yonder
    Jay
    And
    Me
    Eat
    Steaks

  • Jules  
    July 23, 2009 at 8:01 PM

    I would have gone with Wyoming. Have you ever been there? That's where the crazy people go to live in cabins and build bombs. I swear. I've been there.

  • Erica  
    July 24, 2009 at 8:22 AM

    I was thinking Wyoming, but they have Jackson Hole. And from what I understand, if I liked to ski - that's awesome. I couldn't find anything even kind of redeeming about good 'ole SD.

  • theresa grutzeck  
    July 25, 2009 at 3:21 PM

    Go to Intersectedblog.com to see how to live and be happy:)

  • Anonymous  
    July 29, 2009 at 9:40 PM

    frikkin hilarious!

  • Michelle  
    August 10, 2009 at 8:05 AM

    Wyoming is also the home of Yellowstone National Park (which I've been wanting to visit for ages).

    Either way, I am unequal parts appalled and amused by Eri's choice of hate-f*cking O'Reilly.

  • ArabianMagic  
    August 10, 2009 at 1:36 PM

    Scenario #1:

    This is going to get kinky, but from your questions, I think you can handle it. I would, easily, have sex with my last ex (“Jay” in my blog) like we did the last time we had sex—him starting in his Marine dress blues, me in zip tie handcuffs, and a blindfold, with really rough sex. The dying would commence when he put his gun into my mouth, and accidentally squeezed the trigger so I am shot through the cheek or something. True to his selfish personality, he would continue to fuck me until I had bled out.

    Kinda kinky, but at least there would be some pleasure in all that pain – that wasn’t against the rules!

    Marry-Fuck-Kill:

    Marry- Marjory

    Kill- Amy Winehouse because, as Erica said, as a favor since she seems to be trying it. Most importantly, it would save her from future offspring (think Courtney Love).

    Fuck- Bill O’Reilly because I’ve always wanted to screw someone I hate. Freud would be so proud.

    least favorite [U.S.] state:

    Easily, Utah. Why? My mortal enemy hails from there (Dogface, on my blog). It is basically uninhabited, so the population is pretty urbanized. AND there’s the whole business about most of the population is Mormon.

    Their current motto is “industry;” I would update it to “stupidity”.

    Scenario #2:

    People love to watch freak shows

    Please list out the best phrase that would be created by using each of our names as acronyms.

    P lease
    A llow
    M en
    E verywhere
    L otsa
    A ss

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