Hulk Smash! [Pending Restraining Order]  

As I sit here watching a movie, I can't help but wonder if I'm the only one who thinks that The Incredible Hulk was secretly created by a cartoonist with anger management problems and a penchant for domestic violence? I mean, the dude always lets the little things spiral out of control to the point of complete and utter insanity, a bunch of people get hurt that we are led to believe "had it coming," and then he acts all tearfully apologetic in the aftermath, vowing that this monster will never be unleashed again. Say what you will Hulk, but I think the only thing possessing you was a fifth of Jim Beam and some severely repressed Mommy issues. The fact that this wife-beating persona has been glorified to the point of eliciting hero worship is simply a testament to the might of the pencil. Give it another couple hundred of years and we'll probably even throw down a national holiday for this giant asshole like we did for Columbus.

On a related note, Edward Norton -- we're still cool. Although I do hold you somewhat responsible for the time I wasted on Kingdom of Heaven.

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11 Reasons to Live

  • Shannon  
    July 8, 2009 at 4:48 AM

    The only thing good to ever come out of the Hulk was the roller coaster.

  • shine  
    July 8, 2009 at 7:34 AM

    I concur.

    With all of it.

  • Gwen  
    July 8, 2009 at 8:26 AM

    You know what? You're right. There was something inherently selfish about Bill Bixby's tear. Like, Boo Hoo you smashed a bunch a shit and scared people to death. I'm supposed to feel sorry for you now? My girlfriend just bought my daughter that game Operation Hulk Addition. I'm not kidding. He's like The Hulk but all "cutified" for kids. I made that word up. My daughter is pretty freaked out by the whole thing. When you mess up during the "operation" The Hulk grunts and growls menacingly. It's pretty fucking terrifying.

  • Anonymous  
    July 8, 2009 at 8:49 AM

    Huh. I had never thought about it, probably because I wasn't so much into the Hulk as I was into the Six Million Dollar Man.... But I think you may be right here. He does seem to have anger management issues. He'd fit in on my Crime Time Tuesday shows.

  • Mongoliangirl  
    July 8, 2009 at 10:45 AM

    I'm just glad to know someone else thinks Columbus was an asshole.

  • James  
    July 8, 2009 at 12:36 PM

    I can't wait for superheroes to get national holidays. It's so happening in a few centuries.

  • Christie  
    July 8, 2009 at 3:48 PM

    The Hulk was on hormones. Hormones fuck everyone up. I speak from experience. You should know.

  • Christie  
    July 8, 2009 at 3:51 PM

    On another note, there is no fucking way MY children will be watching the military channel. Ever.

  • Ryan  
    July 10, 2009 at 11:51 AM

    The Hulk is awesome. I doubt that any of you Judging Jerrys would have an easy time staying cool calm and collected after a bomb exploded in your face and turned you into a monster while your girlfriend's dad has the entire military hunting you down. You couldn't find a joint big enough to keep you chill.

    I suppose you think Lou Ferrigno should be some unemployed meathead instead of the cultural icon that he is today? Is that what you wish upon him?

  • Becky  
    July 14, 2009 at 1:34 PM

    Kingdom of Heaven is why I couldn't stand Eva Green in Casino Royale. That was one of the worst movies ever made.

    On the Hulk note, it could also be an analogy for PMS -- crazy mood swings that make women want to break and beat the shit out of things. It's a good outlet since we dont' actually DO those things...right?

  • Crystal  
    August 5, 2009 at 10:29 AM

    sounds like he needs to read "Boundaries in Marriage"

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