A Dash of Hodgepodgery  

Since the majority of my followers are corporate drones and probably not going to read this -- what with today being a Bon Jovi Friday and all -- I think I'm just going to give you the broad strokes. Plus this pseudo list-style blogging format is one of my favorites, as it effectively absolves me from having to be coherent. On with the stroking!*

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In case you missed me spreading the word via Twitter or Facebook, this little blogging establishment of mine was recently placed under a microscope by the brutal team over at Ask and Ye Shall Receive. True to form, they managed to acknowledge my awesomeness while simultaneously making me wish my blog was a person so I could kick it in the balls. However, I've always been pretty good at taking criticism, so expect to see some changes around here over the next few weeks, specifically ones related to my out of control sidebar.

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I've been feeling like I need a well-defined goal in my renewed quest of getting healthy; something above and beyond tracking weight and body composition metrics. Do you think it's better serves my motivation to a) set my sights high on something challenging and participatory, such as a competition of some sort, or b) agree to an overly-elaborate bet that rewards me for my achievement and humiliates me for my failures?

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Thanks to the socioeconomic melting pot known as public transportation, I am now able to cross the following items off my scavenger hunt-esque list of things to see in person before I die:
  • A man missing half his lower jaw down an entire bottle of Clamato like he had just finished a God damn triathlon.
  • A pregnant woman wearing a Jagermeister wife beater.
  • A teenager sobbing into his bejeweled iPhone. Yes, I said his.
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On a final note, after the wildly popular guest post I featured in April, I've decided that there's no good reason to thwart others from gracing my domain on occasion. Which means that going forward, I'm shooting for 1 or 2 guest posts a month. It should be lots of fun, as I've "met" tons of entertaining people throughout many years of blogging. Now all I have to do is convince them to take a couple of minutes to pen the good stuff for you guys. On that note, should the thought of having your work featured on these pages create any noticeable activity in your pants, then guest posting might be right for you. Simply answer the following three questions:
  1. Can you write/draw/photograph/create something original?
  2. Does it not suck?
  3. Do you understand that guest posting for me does not mean I will do the same for you?
If you answered an emphatic "YES!" to all three, congratulations! Now send me an email. If you answered "YES!" to questions 1 & 2, and "WHAT A COCKSHINER!" to number 3, congratulations are still in order, because as with so many others things in life (insurance, mutual consent, etc.), question 3 isn't always needed.

*you're a filthy-minded bastard

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12 Reasons to Live

  • Christian  
    July 2, 2009 at 11:27 AM

    Mutual consent is overrated.

    I read your semi-thrashing and it is completely subjective. I don't mind your busy sidebar, I don't just read it.

  • Dan  
    July 2, 2009 at 12:12 PM

    Those ask and yea shall receive guys are arseholes anyhow. Or at least they were when they trashed my blog a couple of years ago.

  • shine  
    July 2, 2009 at 1:23 PM

    Overall it wasn't a bad review. I'd be happy to kick your sidebar in the balls for you, but I'm kind of with Christian. I just ignore it.

    For your health kick, please choose option B. I think the womanly makeover went really well. I'm sure we could come up with something lovely as motivation to get your ass in gear.

    1. YES!
    2. No...
    3. You're a bitch.

  • Monkey Girl  
    July 2, 2009 at 4:30 PM

    YOU'RE BACK!!!!!!

    ((sigh))

  • E  
    July 2, 2009 at 10:48 PM

    1. I photograph and write (minimally recently).
    2. I like to think some of it is okay.
    3. Whatev.

  • Gwen  
    July 3, 2009 at 6:19 AM

    I agree with your first commenter. Mutual consent is over-rated.

    To answer your questions:

    1. Yes
    2. If you ask my mom, she would say I'm really fucking awesome. She might not say the "fucking" part, but it would be implied.
    3. Sure.

    If by some slim chance you do ask me to guest post on your blog, I must warn you that I curse a whole goddamn lot, I tend to talk about fucking and masturbation, and also my own mental health issues (i.e. I'm crazy).

  • Shannon  
    July 3, 2009 at 6:30 AM

    You mean you won't guest blog for me!?

    Fine, I didn't want you to anyways.*











    *I'm totally lying.

  • India Fox  
    July 3, 2009 at 8:53 AM

    On the well defined goal front, I'd opt for option b. Humiliation is a great motivator. I thought it applied more when I was 13, but apparently it still does.

    Or option c.) agere to an overly-elaborate bet that rewards you for your achievement and makes you write chick-flick reviews again for your failures? (please)

  • James  
    July 3, 2009 at 12:07 PM

    You must have some marbles for throwing your blog out there for review.

    And I think you need to go with a combination of "a" and "b." Agree to the bet, but you'd better sign up for some competition to help make sure you win the bet.

  • Chris  
    July 3, 2009 at 12:23 PM

    The reason I like this blog is because you crack on the homeless, the toothless public transportati, and assorted phlem riddled octogenerians, not to mention, YOURSELF with equal gusto.

    As my man Jim Rome says, you have a take and it does not suck. You must absolutely not change a goddamned thing about this blog, unless your critic has big juggs, in which case her opinion is dead on.

  • The Grunt  
    July 3, 2009 at 7:41 PM

    Don't change a thing. One thing: include more posts about your misadventures on public transportation.

  • Mongoliangirl  
    July 4, 2009 at 10:03 AM

    Are you really gonna clean up that sidebar? Yippee! Looks like a few of your regulars weren't paying too much attention to it anyway. Good luck with that.
    Three other things:
    1: I am SO going to pack a Jagermeister wife beater with pillows and pose as a pregnant woman riding the bus
    2: Gwen is a foul mouthed and poetic little whore and you should let her guest post
    3: I would offer to guest post, but suck a LOT

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