Let's All Discover... Surviving Doomsday  

Join me in a game of make believe. I do it quite frequently, and trust me that it's good food for the brain. Although you should also trust when I say it's not ideal when it comes to being a safe driver or productive employee.

In the scenario put before you today, the world has effectively come to an end. Through whatever measure of luck, you are surrounded by exactly the people you'd want by your side for the daunting task of rebuilding civilization. Assume that at the stroke of the apocalypse your life is completely absent of any family or friends; pesky personal attachments shouldn't interfere with the assembling of your dream team.

Who would you want with you? I drifted off in thought about this the other night while setting off some fireworks (note: also probably not the best time to be playing make-believe), and I found the answer in the same place I go for life's other tough questions -- The Discovery Channel. Time for roll call.

Bear Grylls - There should be no surprises here. Seriously, can you think of anyone better suited to safely guide the remainder of our species through what will likely be extremely perilous conditions? Odds are that if society was crippled under the force of some cataclysmic disaster, all major cities will be rife with fires, noxious chemicals, and potentially radiation. This mean we'll have to flee to the country, which is this man's playground. Whether he's building a rudimentary shelter lined with animal droppings for warmth, or scavenging a maggoty snack from the week-old carcass of an elk, feel secure in knowing that you have the best possible chance of survival with this guy on your side.

Jamie Hyneman & Adam Savage - Eating fish entrails is fine and dandy, however, in the long haul you're going to want to up your quality of life factor considerably. That's where this duo comes in. It's true, science can be a bitter pill for some to swallow, but eventually you're going to need something that hasn't been looted from the ruins of Home Depot. These guys are skilled engineers, machinists, and all around wise asses on things of a physical nature. A bonus to having them around is that Adam is about the only person on my crew that I could actually beat up, so I may not have to be the first one eaten.

Mike Rowe - While Mike doesn't really have any unique skills to bring to the table (not that I do either, but this is my delusion daydream), we're going to need a strong back and a high threshold for pain if we want to get any real work done. After all, it could easily take a decade or two before the army of slave apes is fully trained. Mike is also a well spoken and learned man, which will be necessary if I want to have at least one decent blog to link to (Jamie and Adam aren't exactly big on proper grammar usage).

Richard "Mack" Machowicz - It's a frighteningly real possibility that on top of everything else we'll have made it through, the aftermath could hold even worse things for us. Zombies, vampires, aliens, and other assorted unfriendlies could very well be lurking behind the giant hush that has fallen over humanity. Not a problem, so long as you've brought along an ex-Navy SEAL who also happens to be an expert in tactical weapons use and Bukido. Once he's rained down fire and arm bars upon the enemy forces, Bear will field dress the victims so that Mike can cook up their flesh on the 25,000 BTU grill that Jamie and Adam improvised. Now that's survival of the fittest.

Oh, and for all of you who are thinking that post-armageddon Discovery Channel-themed existence is a major sausage fest, worry not, because Kari Byron will be there to help re-populate the planet.

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