Daily Chick Flick: The Lake House  

At the onset of this challenge -- or as I've come to know it, endurance battle from the toothed vagina-lined depths of hell -- I identified three movies that were so obviously bad it seemed inevitable that they would land on the viewing schedule. After the first, Twilight, shattered my faith in humanity, a breather was required before I tempted my fate with the other two of the unholy three. Now that my tolerance has been sufficiently raised, it is time to push the threshold even further with the second, The Lake House.

I now see how people are capable of committing murder. Specifically against those who look even remotely similar to Sandra Bullock or Keanu Reeves. By all accounts I should be writing this review from prison.

In case you've been fortunate enough to shelter yourself from any information on this film, let me enlighten you. Again, I'll attempt to do so in 100 characters or less. Keanu Reeves in 2004 and Sandra Bullock in 2006 are somehow able to write letters to one another. The fact that there's a house on a lake has surprisingly little to do with it. Much in the same way that Keanu having no acting talent has little to do with him getting paid millions of dollars to do it.

Any movie that involves the twisting of time and space is going to result in paradoxes. It's virtually impossible for Hollywood to make a time travel film that isn't brimming with them. But don't think I'm discriminating against that particular subset here. In fact, some of my favorite movies belong to it. The key is that they're either good or bad enough to a near perfect degree that you can't help but ignore the paradoxes. Uh-oh. I feel a top 5 list coming on.

5. Timecop - I only wish I could have found the scene where JCVD throws the past version of Ron Silver's character into the present version of himself and the two melt together.

4. Flight of the Navigator - This movie blew my mind when I saw it in the theater at the impressionable age of 6, and it also made me wish I had a room at NASA full of rad toys.

3. Star Trek: First Contact - Time travel is what you might call a "recurring" theme throughout the Star Trek films. Generations got it completely wrong, and The Voyage Home was pretty damn good, but First Contact is my favorite by far. Best of all? It's practically paradox free!

2. Back to the Future - You had to know this would be in here somewhere. It's probably one of your favorite time travel movies too. I can't help but love this alternate ending that's been making the rounds lately.

1. Army of Darkness - I could, and in fact have, watched this movie over and over and over again.

I suppose if I stretched this list out even farther, somewhere right around number 328 -- just below Time Bandits -- is where The Lake House would probably end up. The moment the DVD title screen popped up I said to myself "5 pink tacos," and see no good reason for amending that decision now. I really shouldn't have been required to watch anything beyond that. Hopefully all of you will whisper a prayer for me before I take on the third and final of the unholy three -- Sex in the City.

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