Daily Chick Flick: Fool's Gold  

I was just hanging around the house the other day, eyefucking the latest JC Penney catalog, when a thought hit me; what would it happen if someone took elements from Treasure Island, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, the Three Stooges, and assembled them into what might very well become the most nonsensical movie of our time? At the very next moment, before me appeared a gigantic blossoming vagina, which delivered unto me something I knew must be spectacular. After I burned through a half box of wet naps cleaning it off, I realized that I was holding in my hands the very cinematic amalgamation that minutes earlier I had believed to only be a thing of my dreams.

Fool's Gold breaks all the stereotypes of modern filmmaking. It looks Hollywood straight in the eye and says, "Fuck you Tinseltown, I play by my own rules. I reject your antiquated notions of plot, character development, and anything that doesn't allow you to hinge two hours and millions of dollars on the star power of half naked sexy people." Message received Fool's Gold, loud and clear.

Every now and then the internet proves its worth in the most unexpected of ways. While doing a search on Matthew McConaughey (which admittedly I'm not very proud of), I stumbled across something that sums up my thoughts on him and the nonstop shit machine of movies he's been aligned with. I'll let these pictures do the talking, which are a small sampling from Cracked's "Matthew McConaughey's Next 10 Movie Posters":





Thank you Cracked, for making one tiny facet of this month slightly easier for me. Despite Matthew McConaughey's usual ability to make even the worst of films profitable, he is now and forever an undeniable tool in my book. And I hate to say it, but Fool's Gold might have done for me what even Bride Wars couldn't, which is make me question my appreciation of Kate Hudson. But really, none of this hardly matters by now anyway. It's a long weekend and nobody is even reading this. Why the hell am I even reading this? 5 pink tacos, and a pot brownie laced with drain cleaner for McConaughey.


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