Daily Chick Flick: Down to You  

A few quick updates before we get into it today. For starters, the team over at The Printed Blog pulled my review of Bride Wars for their latest issue (#15), so go give them some love when you get the chance. Provided it's not in the form of naked pictures. I already tried that, with less than favorable results. Also, tomorrow I'll post a special poll on the sidebar to see what unfortunate thing I'll do in place of watching another terrible movie during the last week of the challenge. As it stands right now, nobody has suggested anything that trumps the options I initially came up with (see here for post that outlines them). The poll will only be up through Wednesday, so I need to ensure you vindictive bastards are on top of things!

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Sit back as I regale you with an outstanding tale of love and intrigue; a tour-de-force dramatic achievement that will surely do for your senses what the internet has done for our ability to intelligently converse with one another. Prepare yourself, as I summarize for you the cinematic Goliath that is Down to You.

Boy meets girl (attraction!). Boy and girl date (connection!). Boy and girl split because she's a petty cheating whore (heartbreak! betrayal!). Boy is a gaywad and cannot seem to forget her (longing!). Boy and girl eventually get back together (predictable!).

All the signs point to this being a chick flick for teens. From the main characters' campy courting rituals, to the fact that it stars such people as Freddie Prinze Jr., Julia Stiles, and Ashton Kutcher; the kind of stars that only teenagers could believe are able to portray anything resembling a complex human being. I was admittedly a little shocked during one scene when Prinze lobbed the f-bomb at Stiles, but no doubt it was exactly this kind of risk-taking that landed him the pivotal, career-changing role of Fred in Scooby-Doo 1 & 2.

I found it really hard to even humor this movie the acting was so bad. Usually I can be fooled into aligning myself in the loosest possible fashion to the characters. Not this time. It was like I was watching a junior high play. Or maybe Freddie Prinze received a bonus each time he coyly broke eye contact and looked at the ground. Does that sort of thing actually do something for you ladies? If so, all those years spent writing to optionless female inmates should have been used to catch up on Dawson's Creek reruns.

Humor me while I digress from this "review," which you're probably only skimming anyway, so that I may pose an important question. If a group of semi-clueless crime fighting teenagers like the ones that made up Mystery, Inc. were to try their hand at foiling bad guys in this day and age, do you think they'd manage a single success before being brutally murdered? Or do you think that by default they would be more "street" having grown up in less groovy times? And how awesome would it be if they released an updated version of Scooby-Doo co-directed by John Woo and Michael Bay? Now there's something I'd gladly fork over $9 to see.

I think that sums up my feelings about Down to You quite nicely. It was so boring I'd rather daydream about a talking dog roundhouse kicking a swamp monster's head while hanging from an out of control helicopter than give this film any further consideration. 4 pink tacos; while it is certainly a chick flick, it somehow managed to put even that genre to shame.

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6 Reasons to Live

  • Juice  
    May 21, 2009 at 5:17 PM

    Are people still reading these reviews, seriously they are as predictable as the movies! J/K, but not really, what the hell can you write about 30 shit movies.. Arhhh.. Scooby Doo, now your on to something.

    Why doesn't julia stiles star in an awesome action with a little skimmy outfit (I'd probably get wood)? A: Rytorical question apparently, because we don't have awesome action any more :[ RIP, Rambo.

    Was I the only one thinking a male version of this movie could be called 'down on/in you'?

  • The Polka Dotted Owl  
    May 21, 2009 at 7:16 PM

    wait what? i never saw this one. what girl's dorm are you raiding? i feel like i am letting down my sex. i am ashamed.

    i do not skim. i gloss. i know great word!!!

  • Diane  
    May 21, 2009 at 8:17 PM

    Best South Park episode involved Korn, Scooby Doo, and an Antonio Banderas blow up doll.


    Seriously never heard of this flick.

  • Ashley  
    May 21, 2009 at 8:26 PM

    "I'd rather daydream about a talking dog roundhouse kicking a swamp monster's head while hanging from an out of control helicopter"

    but I'd rather do that than a lot of things. That sounds like an awesome plot for a movie!! haha.

  • shine  
    May 22, 2009 at 9:20 AM

    Isn't this the one where he eats her shampoo and cake = sex?

    It was terrible. But I watched it anyway. Probably more than once.

  • Shannon  
    May 22, 2009 at 10:08 AM

    What? You really are quitting? Tsk, tsk. I'll vote for Christie giving you a makeover then. :D

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