Daily Chick Flick: Bride Wars  

Scanning recent new releases I was a little disappointed to see the low representation of chick flicks out there (did I really just type that?). There are always a lot to speak of from the straight to DVD crowd, but I'm going to try and stick with theatrically-released films this month, if for no other reason to have greater overlap in those likely seen by the readers of these reviews. The two choices that jumped out at me were Bride Wars and Marley & Me, and by "jumped out at me" I mean they were available and the exact kind of movies I would never watch under normal circumstances. This brings us to today's review on the epic cinematic adventure Bride Wars.

I'll have to admit that I was immediately apprehensive about this film. Realistically, a wedding-themed movie is hardly at the top of the "must-see" list for most guys, let alone one like myself who tends to be especially critical of crappy movies and crazy women. It didn't help matters that the movie opens on a couple of young girls creating and filling a bedazzled "dream wedding box" whilst gushing about the particulars of the perfect matrimony.

In their minds, settling for anything less than a June wedding at The Plaza Hotel would be disastrous. So, in a cruel twist of fate, they both get booked for the same date and time, forcing one of them to either relinquish this, the venue to end all venues, or both miss the nuptials of their bestest childhood friend. Neither one is willing to relent on holding their sacred spot at the Plaza, which spurns a rivalry between the two, who then become determined to sabotage the other's wedding plans. Hilarity, montages, and low-key mayhem ensues, interspersed with many shots of the two staring off woefully into the distance with that "is this really what I want?" look played across their face.

For me, the characters seemed like a good fit for the actors that played them. Kate Hudson is a high-powered ball-busting attorney, and Anne Hathaway (unrelated topless picture HERE) is a slightly more timid schoolteacher who doesn't really seem to like children and/or spend time at the school. This contrast between the two leading ladies was one of the few things that I thought made any real sense in this film, but only because the rest of the film was all over the place. Yes, a lot of the gags they pull on each other are passably amusing. That being said, there was little buildup to any of it or even real explanation as to why the two had such a girl boner for getting married in the first place. It's almost like the writers rested the success of the film entirely on the supposed comedic value of Hudson and Hathaway's sneak attacks on each other, tossed in a girl power-infused climax, then bookended the whole mess with a prologue and epilogue. In my head I picture them cranking out the script as quickly as possible, throwing their hands in the air with a yell of "Time!" like something you'd see at a calf-roping competition.

Overall, this movie was simply too played out. Not that I dislike either of the actresses because of it, nor do I think this will discourage me from watching them in future films, although their ability to pick a decent script is certainly questionable. Kate Hudson needs to be a psychotic killer in her next movie, really deranged a la Charlize Theron in Monster. And even if Hathaway continues to ignore the countless letters I've sent her about starring in the pilot project I'm working on, I'd still like to see her featured in a really lowbrow comedy. She has this uncanny ability to look surprisingly confused half the time, making her perfect for all the gross-out gags which come with that genre of film. As far as rating goes, I'm giving Bride Wars a solid 3 pink tacos; while undoubtedly a chick flick, not having the overly-inflated notion of finding true love as a central theme made it somewhat bearable.

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  • Shannon  
    May 4, 2009 at 5:39 AM

    I'm going to wait until it comes On Demand for free. I don't think I want to spend $5 to rent it, much less almost $10 to have seen it in the theaters. But I would love to watch it for free. PS - are you spending money on a movie for 30 days straight? Tell me you have some kind of deal.

  • hotpants™  
    May 4, 2009 at 6:52 AM

    I haven't seen this one, but it's in my Netflix queue.

  • shine  
    May 4, 2009 at 7:04 AM

    I haven't seen it.

    But let's remember to point out that the only reason that finding true love isn't the central theme is because both of the main characters have already (theoretically) found it. So it's still there.

  • Christie  
    May 4, 2009 at 9:40 AM

    I liked it, mostly because I really like Anne Hathaway. But still, I will watch it again. And probably again.

  • Ashley  
    May 4, 2009 at 10:17 AM

    This was a bad one and was disappointing. You're right--the writers relied COMPLETELY on the star power here.

  • Kelly  
    May 4, 2009 at 11:18 AM

    Haven't seen it. I think I've decided that I only like Kate Hudson when she plays flashback characters. Like Almost Famous. I guess at that point it just makes her a non-dinosaur version of her mother...

  • Diane  
    May 4, 2009 at 12:55 PM

    Who knew Hudson made movies that didn't include Matthew McConaughey?

  • Anna Liffen  
    May 4, 2009 at 1:17 PM

    "unrelated topless picture here" - GENIUS indeed!

    Stumbled in via JB and will make sure I stumble in again soon.. Think I'll add you to my blog roll straight away just to save time.


  • the projectivist  
    May 4, 2009 at 8:22 PM

    i'm sorry
    but are you even going to try to pick a decent film throughout this whole challenge?

  • Juice  
    May 4, 2009 at 11:12 PM

    Hathaway... Clerks 3. Look I went and said it.

    Dude how the flying fuck have you managed to find so many words to describe this dribble. Or time, kudo's to you. Actually I'll give you two kudo's for the sake of gravedigging the mememespace system.

  • ~E  
    May 6, 2009 at 4:30 PM

    I think Ill wait till it comes out on DVD...

    oh, it's already on DVD?

    In that case Ill wait till someone buys it for me or buys it for themselves so I can borrow it.

  • jb  
    May 20, 2009 at 7:14 PM

    I agree with anna unrelated photo better then this f**king dead end shit ass low budget high end stupid f**king bitch war movie.....could they not have just had sex together in the middle of the hair pulling and dress pulling ...SEX ladies...nothing like make-up sex or straight up anger SEX.......f**kkkkkking bad movie.


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