This Post > Juggling Cobras (barely)  

Someone once told me that there's no such thing as a bad idea. A notion which I pondered for quite some time before it abruptly lost credit when said person was killed in a freak cobra juggling accident. Now I won't go so far as to judge all aphorisms based on the extreme failure of this one, but let's be honest. Most of the stuff that comes out of our mouths can just as easily be construed as complete bullshit as it can insightful and intelligently composed. Take that last sentence for example. Odds are at least a quarter of you made some kind of jerking off motion in the air while reading it. Fair enough, especially upon consideration of what I do to many of your profile pictures after printing them out.

I guess the point I'm vaguely grasping at here is that - while communication has taken some pretty obvious blows over the past decade - who the hell are we to decide what constitutes a meaningful conversation outside the scope of our own perspective? Is leetspeak or some LOLcat variant destined to be a romance language 1000 years from now? Though I certainly hope not, I'd wager more of us are capable of deciphering those two than are presently fluent in Latin. Again it's hardly a big deal, given the host of wonderful online translators we have at our disposal nowadays. Let's do an experiment, shall we? Start with an innocuous enough phrase:

"That is a very nice dress you are wearing today."

Run it through Babelfish, translating into French:

"C'est une robe très intéressante que vous portez aujourd'hui"

Run that result through Babelfish again, this time into Italian:

"è un abito molto interessante che portate oggi"

Take this result, run it through the Dictionary.com translator back into English and we end up with:

"A lot interesting is a dress that capacities today."

Now the eloquence of the message may have been completely raped, but it remains semi-conveyable nonetheless. The goal here is not to learn upon everyone the subtle difficulties of literal translations, but to show you that the butchering of language by technology is inevitable, so get over it already. Do your best to preserve them if you can/want to, but don't stop texting, chatting, and so on. At the very least we'll be able to swap out the quality of our conversations with added quantity, right?

Now excuse me while I go tweet the particulars of my impending bowel movement from the bathroom.

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6 Reasons to Live

  • Kelly  
    April 3, 2009 at 7:21 AM

    I'm hung up on the part about the profile pics... How many dudes pictures have you printed out? Do they know?

    I know that was so lame. I'm tired.

  • Chelsea Talks Smack  
    April 3, 2009 at 8:56 AM

    Oh Jay, how excited I am to be reading your blog. Cheers.

    ....I'd like to get myself a breakfast stack now.

  • The Polka Dotted Owl  
    April 3, 2009 at 10:58 AM

    'oh this old thing? you are too sweet.'

    rape huh? very deep...

  • Juice  
    April 6, 2009 at 7:11 PM

    Oh god, yuk!

    Here I am, Jay, if you can only imagine, stuck in a room with two 18 yo girls who, when beckoned with a joke comment terms like 'lawl', roflharris & possibly my favourite, roflcopter...

    Seriously is that sufficient for the purpose of communication? why I think it would be much more enjoyable socially if said girls where to say, actually roll on floor laughing while waving frantically in the motions of a helicopter.

    I've taken it upon myself to use these terms out of context (They have context now?) as much as possible to highlight the ridiculousness of such retarted termsw within the spoken language.

    What happenned to simple meaningful words such as "radical" and "grouse" and "epic"...

    :[... GTG, MOS, BRB

  • hotpants™  
    April 7, 2009 at 9:15 AM

    I'm with the first person. I didn't retain much after learning you whack off to profile pics.

  • hotpants™  
    April 7, 2009 at 11:24 AM

    I certainly didn't think you were doing it to mine specifically. I actually assumed much worse since you said, "especially upon consideration of what I do to many of your profile pictures after printing them out." It's a good thing I didn't type my guesses for all to see. HAHA!

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