Commencing Emasculation in 3... 2...  

It appears that via devices of your choosing and my own creation, the next month is going to have a substantial amount of vagina involved. Will I be running baby oil duty at a local strip club perhaps? Or maybe lobbying to bring pink polo shirts, popped collars, and braided leather belts back into style?

If only.

May's 30 day challenge will require me to post a new, daily chick flick review. As in the critically-acclaimed Sexy Sapphic Stewardess Strippers IV? Again, if only. I'm talking about girly movies. Films which I had intended on never, ever watching. Ones that star Mark Ruffalo and Matthew McConaughey for fuck's sake.

The biggest question that most of you will likely have is in regards to my methodology for determining what a chick flick is. Since the month of May is already shaping up to be a pretty painful ordeal, I don't plan on exacerbating that by arguing about exactly what does or doesn't count. So plain and simple, here's the yardstick each movie will have to measure up to:

  1. Is its target demographic at least 75% women and/or male "Sex in the City" viewers?
  2. At any time have I ever stated a preference to having red-hot metal objects inserted into my body over watching this particular film?

There's also a few other ground rules to keep in mind. For starters, all the movies I watch must be ones that I've never seen, ensuring that each review is of the highest reactionary caliber. I'd also like everyone to keep in mind that I have a lot of shit to do, so let's not pretend I'll have the chance to watch a new movie every single day. Some will be viewed on my media player while riding the bus, and as much as I hate to say it, there is undoubtedly going to be a Saturday or two that I watch enough of them back-to-back that I experience the kind of shrinkage which usually only comes from naked luging. Rest assured that the reviews will continue to be of the daily flavor though.

With those things in mind, I went through our movie collection last night and assembled what I consider to be a good start:

(Click to enlarge)

Feel free to voice your objections in the comments, but no promises that they'll change my mind on anything. Better would be to offer suggestions for movies I should watch, as those in the picture constitute less than half a month's worth.

Oh and yes, that's Twilight in there. Sweet closeted bisexual Jesus save me now.

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22 Reasons to Live

  • Kelly  
    April 30, 2009 at 5:05 AM

    A few suggestions:

    Terms of Endearment
    Steel Magnolias
    PS I love you
    Pride and Prejudice
    The Wedding Planner
    Fried Green Tomatoes
    Now and Then
    Down to You
    Dirty Dancing
    Bridges of Madison County (it's got Clint Eastwood in it... hehe)
    City of Angels

    Seriously... I could make your entire month's list. Please, let me help your wife torture you...

    bwahahahaha

  • the projectivist  
    April 30, 2009 at 5:33 AM

    get that stupid Twilight film over and done with first, i say.
    i watched it last weekend and thought it was a load of complete RUBBISH. i might have liked it better if i was 14 years old.

    are you allowed to watch it whilst drinking copious amounts of alcohol? that might make it more enjoyable.

  • Some Guy  
    April 30, 2009 at 6:16 AM

    You are a brave soul to actually go through with this. I don't think I could.

  • hotpants™  
    April 30, 2009 at 7:22 AM

    I' so excited. You have no idea.

    Don't watch the Lake House though. That is one of the worst movies known to man.

    Some Suggestions:
    Pretty Woman
    Steel Magnolias
    The Notebook
    Titanic
    Clueless
    How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days
    Sweet Home Alabama
    50 First Dates
    Jerry Maguire (chick flick with sports)
    Breakfast at Tiffany's
    Hope Floats
    A Lot Like Love

    I have more, obviously, but I'll give you a break since you only have to watch 31.

  • Christie  
    April 30, 2009 at 7:46 AM

    First off, that is not just the regular Twilight edition, that is the $32 Twilight Special Edition, the Borders Exclusive, in a special case and came with 10 5x7 collectors movie stills, AND the extra DVD with bonus material.

    It needs to be treated with respect, people. R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

  • shine  
    April 30, 2009 at 7:57 AM

    Yeah, even I don't like some of those movies. Of course, that could be because in general I like dead stuff better than chick flicks...

    I'm sad that I'll now have to lump you into "those who have watched the Twilight (ahem, $32 Twilight Special Edition, the Borders Exclusive, in a special case and came with 10 5x7 collectors' movie stills, AND the extra DVD with bonus material. Sorry, Christie.) movie," but such is life.

    For the record, when I voted, the votes were tied and I didn't want to be the tie-breaker, so I voted for something random. I did not do this to you. But I think it's going to be hilarious. I hope your wife's okay with being a lesbian, as you might be a woman at the end of the month and I'd hate to think this little experiment would leave you all alone and a shell of a man.

  • McLean  
    April 30, 2009 at 8:13 AM

    (eyes on the ground, shaking head)

    I suppose if you're doing this you might as well do it right man.

    Bratz The Movie

    High School Musical 1, 2, and 3

    Step it Up (2 tha streets)

    Stick it

    etc etc etc, crap crap crap

    I'm sorry, is there angst oozing from my fingers?

    blurgle

  • Lindsey  
    April 30, 2009 at 8:27 AM

    Don't forget these beauties;

    Bed of Roses (with Christian Slater)
    He's Just Not That Into You
    Made of Honor
    Enchanted
    Sweet Home Alabama

  • Diane  
    April 30, 2009 at 11:29 AM

    Since I've seen few of the films, I look forward to living vicariously thru you. I agree you should get Twilight over good and early while you still have the will to live.

    But again, I'm one of the 3 people on the planet that HATED the book

  • FilmFemme  
    April 30, 2009 at 12:19 PM
    This comment has been removed by the author.
  • FilmFemme  
    April 30, 2009 at 12:20 PM

    KeanuSweet November
    A Walk in the Clouds
    Something's Gotta Give
    Feeling Minnesota
    Even Cowgirls Get the Blues

    AffleckBounce
    Forces of Nature
    Jersey Girl
    He's Just Not That Into You

    Sadly there is no movie in which they appear together...isn't that a travesty??

  • Kelly  
    April 30, 2009 at 12:38 PM

    Um, Matthew McConaughey used to be hot. In A Time To Kill, he was super-duper sexy. Now he's a cheeseball.

    You have to watch The Story of Us, with Bruse Willis. It's the poster movie for chick flicks. In college my bff and I cried in a movie theater for two hours. Horrible. I still can't watch the damn thing.

  • E  
    April 30, 2009 at 2:07 PM

    10 Things I Hate About You is the only chick flick I can think of that my brother hasn't criticized outright. May the force be with you.

  • Chris  
    April 30, 2009 at 7:29 PM

    Curious no Chuck Norris.

  • Juice  
    April 30, 2009 at 11:05 PM

    Or maybe lobbying to bring pink polo shirts, popped collars, and braided leather belts back into style?

    You had me crying with this comment!

    You are, as has been said, a vvery brave soul. I can not believe you are going to waste so many precious hours torturing yourself!!

    As for hotpants comment.. Is it sad i thought 50 first dates was good?

    Oh I heard Aliens vs predator is a chick flic, inform me if I am wrong.

    Pacifier is another you should watch.

  • Juice  
    April 30, 2009 at 11:05 PM

    Or maybe lobbying to bring pink polo shirts, popped collars, and braided leather belts back into style?

    You had me crying with this comment!

    You are, as has been said, a vvery brave soul. I can not believe you are going to waste so many precious hours torturing yourself!!

    As for hotpants comment.. Is it sad i thought 50 first dates was good?

    Oh I heard Aliens vs predator is a chick flic, inform me if I am wrong.

    Pacifier is another you should watch.

  • The Grunt  
    May 1, 2009 at 1:23 AM

    Well, at least you aren't watching a bunch of gladiator movies by yourself.

  • ~E  
    May 1, 2009 at 3:00 PM

    ahahaha! You're gonna turn into a giant bearded wussy pants by the time the month is over! I'm looking forward to your reviews.

  • Becky  
    May 2, 2009 at 8:30 AM

    I think you need some period pieces (or just Jane Austen) in there. Ted will see a lot of the comedies, but he won't go near period pieces with a 10 foot pole.

  • Ashley  
    May 2, 2009 at 9:57 AM

    PLEASE watch A Walk To Remember.

    Torture...mwahahahaha!

    Mona Lisa Smile is pretty good, by the way :)

  • Jesslyn  
    May 4, 2009 at 11:14 AM

    At first I was really glad you were doing this challenge and I began to think of a way to get my hubby to do the same- then I started thinking about how this kind of equates to me watching 31 action packed man movies, and my heart began to hurt for you a little.
    That being said- The Notebook and A Walk to Remember are both wonderful tear-jerkers. Enjoy. =}

  • Linda  
    July 1, 2009 at 6:53 PM

    Love Actually!

    It's such a good movie, and each person has its own favorite love story from it. Perfect conversation starter at the beauty salon.

    :-P

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