Pirate Princess Pickle Bunny Comes Clean  

I think that to a certain degree, all us bloggers have a secret ambition to be Internet famous. Some just happen to be a little more forthright about it than others. Even you bastards who lie to the world by saying that you only do it "for the love of writing," or think that just because you remain anonymous it becomes this profound display of disestablishmentarianism (oh hell yes I just did that). I'm not saying you actively devote a great deal of time in seeking it out, that you deserve it, or that you'd even know what to do with it. But let's face facts; were you to suddenly garner thousands of followers, attention from other sites, and so on, you'd eat that shit up.

With that notion in mind, I'm quite obviously no exception. I write for multiple sites and stay involved in a variety of social networks; anyone scrolling through my clusterfuck of a sidebar can see that. Of course I have a love for the written word. I always have. And yes, connecting/sharing/laughing with people across those social media platforms is a lot of fun. However, only a fool would take me for someone who isn't trying to leverage himself into larger arenas of online visibility.

This quite obviously remains a work in progress.

The funny (read: sad, so very sad) thing about life is how you sometimes get a taste of what you want, but in very unexpected ways. For example, rarely will a month go by that I'm not emailed this picture from somebody:

Their comments are always the same, "OMG is this you? This HAS to be you." No, no bolded NO, it's not me. Although I will admit some inherent awesomeness to their assumption, in that for it to be me I must: 1. Routinely get blackout drunk, and 2. Have friends clever enough to come up with things like "Pirate Princess Pickle Bunny." Oh, and did I mention that this is the 3rd or 4th result when you Google image search the word "drunk?" Spectacular.

Does it stop there? Unfortunately not. Recently a second picture surfaced, this one looking A LOT more like me (or at least I think so), albeit me at about 13 years old.

Sweet, so not only do I have two doppelgangers floating around out there, both of them are retarded alcoholics. I can't really see how this won't be anything but extremely helpful in my quest for Internet stardom.

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15 Reasons to Live

  • the projectivist  
    March 12, 2009 at 4:43 PM

    who sends you these photos?
    i'd be a little worried about falling asleep around 'friends' who sent me photos like these, Jay!

  • E  
    March 12, 2009 at 4:47 PM

    I think three or four packs of crayola markers were used on the second victim. That's a serious investment.

  • Monkey Girl  
    March 12, 2009 at 8:03 PM

    Jesus, they went crazy.
    I thought I was cruel, but that's just wrong.
    In college, my (eventual) husband and his best friend swam for the college team. Often when passed out drunk I'd take a sharpie to their backs and write some nasty remarks usually aimed at their swim coach, i.e. so when in the pool swimming laps the coach could see my linguistic stylings...and since it was on their back they didn't know about it till someone brought it to their attention at swim practice.

    Those were good times.

  • Diane  
    March 12, 2009 at 8:44 PM

    Note to self - start carrying rainbow assortment of magic markers with you at all times

  • Juice  
    March 12, 2009 at 9:17 PM


    Famous for bing a hopeless drunk... thats usually the way the world goes around isn't it?

    Jay you are the super awesomeness rad dog super star you think you should be. But now that I have told you, what will you do?

  • Anonymous  
    March 13, 2009 at 3:39 AM

    Do you think these guys pee rainbows now?

    They say a large amount of what is put on your skin is absorbed...

    Go try it, and let me know.

  • shine (the artist formerly known as meshealle)  
    March 13, 2009 at 7:02 AM

    A good lesson in "Why you don't want to pass out first." Fun with sharpies!

  • PunkyBean  
    March 13, 2009 at 8:39 AM

    The line: "Sweet, so not only do I have two doppelgangers floating around out there, both of them are retarded alcoholics." Should be on blogtations. I will work on that.

    My husband's friend got wasted at our house right before his wife and her family were to pick him up and take him on an international cruise. The boys all drew a pirate mustache on him and evil eyebrows with a black sharpie. Needless to say, boarding the plane was NOT EASY.

  • Chris  
    March 13, 2009 at 10:25 AM

    I really enjoy your sidebar. Lots of great things to do to incriminate yourself.

    Your sidebar will be singly responsible for my catastrophic defeat in the upcoming 2016 State Senate electoral campaign.

  • Christie  
    March 13, 2009 at 3:28 PM

    First off, I totally believed the first one was you, until I noticed his bald chest. The second one, however, I have a hard time believing is not you. Mostly because I can see Matt coloring you in your sleep. He is that mean. Which is why I love him so much.

  • The Grunt  
    March 15, 2009 at 10:39 AM

    You are lucky.

  • Nora  
    March 15, 2009 at 10:38 PM

    I totally want to be famous. I want to be rich soon after being famous, too.

  • twelvekindsofcrazy  
    March 16, 2009 at 8:43 AM

    My blog began with an office crush. Sometimes you just want somebody to see you.
    I can't blog about blogging though. It makes my brain hurt. But you did it well.
    And you're way hotter than those guys in the pics. As if!

  • Ashley  
    March 16, 2009 at 10:03 AM


    Yes, I think as humans we all crave a certain degree of attention. But I hate blogs that shamelessly fish for comments. Just don't be a blog whore ;)

  • Jesslyn  
    March 31, 2009 at 10:28 AM

    Even though my blog is some-what anon, I could never run for office. Any office.

    Too bad those pics aren't you. I thought the green nose really complimented the guy’s eyes.

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