Sorry to Bug You...  

I apologize for the title of this post. You'll understand why in a minute.

It all starts with this picture, taken Friday on my bus ride home:

As you may or may not be able to tell (click to enlarge picture), there is a ladybug atop this girl's head. This presented me with a difficult choice -- should I a) flick it off, b) just tell her it's there, or c) say nothing at all? My cunning intuition told me that touching some random girl's hair might give off too much of a serial rapist vibe, and most likely it would just fly away at some point. Then again, what if it crawled onto her face or in her ear?

In the end I had little time to contemplate my options, because almost immediately after taking this picture she pulled the cord and stood up to exit the bus. So I went for it. "Hey, there's a bug on top of your head" I said, while making a general swirly motion above my own with my hand. Despite looking utterly confused, she took a swipe at her hair and managed to grab the intruding insect on the first try. This also happened to be the exact moment I realized that I should have specified "ladybug" instead of simply "bug," because for all she knew it was something far creepier than a nice friendly ladybug that wouldn't hurt a soul (FYI: aphids have no soul). Understandably, upon feeling this unknown creature wriggling in her hand, she freaked the fuck out, letting loose the best scream I've heard since Christie thought she saw Robert Pattinson at Quizno's (which turned out to be a very pale 13-year-old girl).

At least the aftermath was short-lived with her exiting the bus seconds later. Although not before shooting me the most awkward and sincerely condescending "Thanks" I will likely ever get in this lifetime. Not that my response of "I meant to say ladybug" smoothed things over at all.

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23 Reasons to Live

  • McLean  
    February 23, 2009 at 10:38 AM

    and this is your reward for trying to do something nice!!

    As long as you're gonna get the wierd look, you should do that fake spit in her hair thing, and just claim you were trying to drown it.

  • dater x  
    February 23, 2009 at 11:15 AM

    Even if you were to say "There's a lady bug on your head." I'm sure the words would have been translated to "Lady there's a bug on your head." And the same shrieky moment would happen again.

    Most girls hate bugs. Period. LOL

  • Jackie  
    February 23, 2009 at 11:49 AM

    I'd probably be in the screaming girl category too. Or at the very least a yelp and frantic, "get-it-off-get-it-off-get-it-off" type freaking out.

    Thanks for the comment on my blog - I love my friends and the fact that they're all very beautiful is added bonus =)

    Jax x

  • Jay  
    February 23, 2009 at 12:13 PM

    At least you took the picture before you made a decision as to whether or not to tell her about the bug. You have to always keep the blog fodder possibilities in mind.

    Even if that had been a cobra slithering up next to her. The picture for the blog must come first.

  • hotpants4979  
    February 23, 2009 at 12:32 PM

    Definitely should have specified ladybug.

    Robert Pattinson... *swoon*

    PS - Eh, I didn't really like Portman's dress. I don't think Pepto pink suits many, especially her.

  • Jay  
    February 23, 2009 at 1:37 PM

    McLean - Previous instances of spitting on strangers has shown me otherwise.

    X - Part of me still thinks I could have been ninja enough to flick it off her head with being noticed.

    Jax - At least your cries of "get-it-off" would let people know that I wasn't trying to attack you. Then again, maybe not.

    Jay #2 - It's nice to finally meet someone whose priorities are aligned with my own.

    HotPants - Well then, this week's poll is jointly dedicated to you and my wife.

  • Ashley  
    February 23, 2009 at 5:01 PM

    yes, mentioning that it was a ladybug would have made a HUGE difference.

    It's funny how chicks will deal with lady bugs and rollie pollies (a.k.a. pill bugs) but are deathly afraid of every other bug.

    This logic makes no real sense.

  • The Grunt  
    February 24, 2009 at 10:45 AM

    When I was living abroad I had this Portuguese friend that butchered the English language constantly, saying things like, "I go for shop" or "I make for bathroom now." This one day he tells me that there's a "little animal" on my back and I start freaking out thinking that a rat was trying to eat me. Turns out that it was just an aphid.

  • Regardez Moi  
    February 24, 2009 at 4:52 PM

    thank you for commenting on my blerg because it has led me to yours. and you, judging from just this post, are someone who has a blog that i want to read daily.

    that was dumb.

    um... bye?

  • Juice  
    February 24, 2009 at 5:03 PM

    hahah this is funny, not because the whole 'Serial rapist vibe" comment.. no it's because you must have the worst luck with girls!

    I'm half expecting to read a chicks blog one day which features one of your kind deeds.. Just imagine it:

    "Oh my god, like, this guy, like, like had my fravourite red teddy print thong all rapped up in his teeth like, and yeah like, i was Soooooo discussed coz like, he stole it from my laurndry. Like" (note; that is my best american accent, just their for you Jay)

    Thanks for the comments.. i put a picture up of redheadedness and I

    Keep the blog rolling

  • The Polka Dotted Owl  
    February 24, 2009 at 6:05 PM

    Was that suppose to be a compliment? lol...

  • Jay  
    February 25, 2009 at 10:44 AM

    Ashley - Female logic making no sense? News to me!

    Grunty - It could always be worse.

    Regardez Moi - No more dumb than half the things that fly from my fingers. And, um, see you later?

    Juice - If you knew my luck with women, you'd likely be surprised by how few charges have been brought against me (to date). As for your go at an American accent, I've heard much worse, all of which were sadly from actual Americans.

    PDO - Maybe!

  • Diane  
    February 25, 2009 at 1:34 PM

    I find that one of my favorite ways to pass time is buy a container of ladybugs, and then release them on some aphid covered rose bush or this other plant I can't think of the name of right now. Oh! Hibiscus!

    Grab a cold Corona, and it's good for hours of fun, watching the Ladies devour the 'phids.

  • Chris  
    February 25, 2009 at 1:45 PM

    You managed to nearly get the full reaction of the hand swat without the nasty side cost of incarceration. Well played.

  • Juice  
    February 25, 2009 at 3:11 PM

    Maybe you should change the title to .. Charges pending! :)

  • Anonymous  
    February 25, 2009 at 7:48 PM

    Dude, I'm totally with you about the aphids.

  • LazyKing  
    February 26, 2009 at 12:05 AM

    great blog! Well done

  • PunkyBean  
    February 26, 2009 at 11:10 AM

    "Sorry, I would've told you sooner, but I was taking a picture," probably wouldn't have helped either...

  • Bananas  
    February 26, 2009 at 1:36 PM

    I think this post should be renamed. "How to win friends and influence people"

  • Megkathleen  
    February 26, 2009 at 3:08 PM

    This is why you should never be nice to people.

  • Jay  
    February 26, 2009 at 11:44 PM

    Diane - The horror!

    Chris - I like to think I have a way with the ladies, even if it's the wrong way.

    Juice - My lawyer has advised me against that for now.

    QFP - I think you and Diane should hang out over a few Coronas sometime.

    Lazy - Hooray!

    Punky - It couldn't have been much than how it did go down.

    Bananas - A Mr. Dale Carnegie might have something to say about that...

    MK - But then I would likely be struck down by karma whilst bending over to pick up something trivial, such as a newspaper. ;-)

  • sabrina  
    March 1, 2009 at 6:36 AM

    Hahaha. Yeah, you should probably have specified. And also, just for future reference, never look at a girl, and say, "Don't Move," even if you see a venomous snake by her foot. She'll go running and screaming like a 10-year-old girl chasing after one of the Jonas brothers.

  • Juice  
    March 1, 2009 at 8:02 PM

    Holy crap, 22 comments Jay! seems like your little rant has left everyone feeling sorry for you!

    Time for the next installment hey?

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