Maybe by Christmas Next Year  

After foregoing sleep completely on Sunday, I was in a lucid, sort-of-almost-but-not-really delirium as Christie and I lay in bed last night awaiting sleep to take hold. As I imagine is typical for most couples (save maybe Marlee Matlin and her husband), we engaged in a bit of conversation at this time. Whereas I am usually spouting off about some foolish topic during these talks, the lack of sleep had us shifting and gears, with me going on about things that were not only foolish but nonsensical as well. Alert the media, I know.

I don't mean nonsensical in a very literal way, as it was little like the town vagrant who threatens to throw your Chevy taco at Greta Garbo. No, our conversation was closer to the fringes of reality; so more of a plausible nature, really. At one point I expressed my desire to not longer require any sleep whatsoever, and the more I think about it, the more I wish this beautiful fantasy were a possibility. Even if in this fairy tale world I had to know the sweet, peaceful riches that were being denied to me forever, I would still absolutely do it. That's to say if it were doable without me eventually regressing into some type of short-circuited maniac.

Did anyone out there see the James Bond movie Die Another Day? In it, the main bad guy has permanent insomnia due to the gene therapy he underwent, and uses something called a dream machine for a couple of hours every day just to stay sane. I Googled the term, and even hoped to find one available for purchase in the Hammacher Schlemmer catalog, but it sadly doesn't exist. I did, however, find this still from the movie to show you the device I'm speaking of:


Whoops. How'd that get in there? Let's try this again:


I realize the dream machine wouldn't constitute a full separation from sleep, but I'm willing to compromise with a few hours of quiet time a day. And I bet you could even control what it is you're dreaming about... whether it be flying, eating all you want of something, or being catered to by multiple Halle Berrys. Of course those are examples that I just pulled out of thin air.

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6 Reasons to Live

  • Ryan  
    October 15, 2008 at 6:18 AM

    I would dream that I never wasted my time watching Die Another Day.

    Diamonds in his face? Really?

  • The Grunt  
    October 15, 2008 at 9:40 AM

    I like sleeping because I get really tired. If I didn't get really fucking tired, then I might not like sleeping. But for now, sleep is my friend.

    Did you ever see that movie Swordfish? That's the film where Halle showed off her Berries for the first time on screen.

  • Christie  
    October 15, 2008 at 9:47 AM

    I would play tricks on you and program it to be dreams of spiders. Lots of spiders. Baby spiders. Dog size spiders (your favorite). House size spiders.

    Of course, I would program it and run like hell because you would know it was me that did it and once you came out of the ball in the corner, you would try and kill me.

  • Em  
    October 15, 2008 at 10:44 AM

    Damn! That woman has a pretty amazing body doesn't she?

    I don't think I'd want to control what I'm going to dream about... if I could do that, I'd never want to wake up.

  • Ashley  
    October 15, 2008 at 11:11 AM

    It would be great to go throuhout the whole day without getting tired...but I would miss the refresment of a good nights sleep.

    I'm ALWAYS talking nonsense at night. Just ask some of my old roommates, who engaged in conversations with me of other dimensions, why certain body parts look/feel the way they do (haha) and other random assortments of weirdness.

    I love those talks.

  • Chris  
    October 15, 2008 at 3:12 PM

    the town vagrant who threatens to throw your Chevy taco at Greta Garbo.

    My Chevy Taco gets about 4 lbs of cheese to the shell so if homeslice wants to serve some to GG he'll need to warm up his pitching arm.

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