Further Proof That God Hates Us  

I got linked to this article via Twitter today, and holy shit. I realize that not everyone here knows that I have a thing for spiders -- as in a horrible soil myself kind of thing -- but do you really need to have a pant-wetting phobia to be freaked out by this:

Yeah. It's eating a bird. That it caught in it's web. OK, so I looked it up and the bird is only the size of a finch, meaning that the spider pictured is approximately the size of a dinner plate, give or take a like it fucking matters. They're getting bigger people, and before you know it some guy who thinks he's cool will figure out a way to train one, then the government gets involved for the weapon potential, and game fucking over. I realize they play a vital part in our planet's ecosystem; however, the brand of genocide I'm proposing is just for the really big ones. Think about it -- would you miss them? How about this abomination, the goliath bird eating spider?

You gonna give this thing a treat when it comes crawling up your leg? Hell no. You would beat it to death with your mother if that's what it took. If I have to, I'll involve the creationists in this. They killed all the dinosaurs, so I doubt a few hundred thousand eight-legged tools of Satan is going to be a big deal.

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5 Reasons to Live

  • The Grunt  
    October 25, 2008 at 10:45 AM

    I had captured a gnarly wolf spider when I was a kid and my friends and I would throw other insects and spiders in with him to have battle royales.

    I know that this does nothing for your cause.

  • Christie  
    October 26, 2008 at 12:23 PM

    I refuse to go to Australia now. One less place to visit, I guess.

  • Ryan  
    October 27, 2008 at 8:28 AM

    This post just gave me a panic attack.

    Any bug that can kill a house pet should be eradicated.

  • Chris  
    October 27, 2008 at 10:16 AM

    I'm usually the designated spider killer in my house. I have a variety of techniques such as the rolled up magazine knife, the paper towell crushing, the grab by the leg and flush, and the step and slide. They all work quite well on arachnids smaller than a pencil eraser. This guy however is going to need something a bit more muscular. Off the top of my head I wouldn't rule out a woodchipper, a 36" Easton aluminum, or a Dan Wesson .44 Magnum.

  • Jen  
    November 13, 2008 at 7:10 PM

    That is one of the creepiest things I've seen in an awful long time.
    Thanks for stopping by my blog! :D

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