Will You Be My Friend?  

At some point during this week or next, our first year living in Seattle will come to a close. It's been a lot of fun learning the ins and outs of a new city, spending time with Christie's absurdly large family, and just getting settled after a year of pinballing around. Despite this 365 day inauguration to the Emerald City, I can't help but feel that there's something missing...

Oh that's right, I've yet to make a single friend.

I don't mean that I just haven't added an unmarried friend to my Seattle-based harem of buddies. No no, I simply don't have any friends up here. There are of course the aforementioned members of Christie's family, which are all really wonderful people, but for the sake of classification it's not the same thing. Then there are my equally wonderful co-workers, the majority of which are older women and doctors, so there's a bit of culture clash as far as hanging out after hours.

Christie suggested that I look to other Dads at where the kids go to school, which would be a really solid idea if they weren't all very much my senior in both age and maturity. The idea of sitting around talking about the best types of grass for their arid soil is on par with having old fluorescent tubes broken against my naked body. Another strike against me is that the only sport I willingly watch is Ninja Warrior, so all fantasy football loving, body paint wearing super fans are out of the picture. Is it really possible that I've set my standards too high?

There have been some half-assed attempts over the course of the year to connect with others of similar interests, such as joining local writer groups through Meetup.com. Too bad the one time that any of them actually met was a night I couldn't go. It's unfortunate, because at this point I'm ready to settle for friends that I only get to see once every six months.

Whereas I might typically be inclined to seek the opinion of those who stop by here on occasion, I've recently realized that you're all a bunch of smartasses and of no value to my personal development. That being said, I do rely on each and every one of you too keep things sexy and funny, which is better than nothing, right?

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9 Reasons to Live

  • Ryan  
    September 24, 2008 at 11:44 AM

    You had a chance to make friends with that guy on the bus, but you blew it.

    It is difficult to make friends as we get older. I fear that my friend-making skills never advanced, and "Wanna play video games at my house?" won't work like it used to.

    I will be your friend. We won't be able to high five or chest bump or swap wives like most friends, but we can make do.

  • Em  
    September 24, 2008 at 4:02 PM

    hahaha @ Ryan.... funny boy.

    Yea... it is difficult making friends the older you get. And you should be somewhat choosy... I mean why hang out with some annoying person? I've only been in my city for 3 months and I'm feeling rather friendless too. The blog helps... it really does.

    ps. are you a nurse? a dietician... you're a nutritionist aren't you?

  • The Grunt  
    September 24, 2008 at 4:22 PM

    Join a bowling league or sex addict therapy groups.

  • Lena  
    September 24, 2008 at 5:12 PM

    Try Mormon missionaries.

  • Chris  
    September 24, 2008 at 9:33 PM

    Realtors at open houses?

  • yllwdaisies  
    September 25, 2008 at 12:04 PM

    we have a site cleveland.com where you can look up events, & those weekly free paper mags (every city has 'em).

    Just find stuff you & Christy like, & eventually you'll see familiar faces.

    The key is when you approach a familiar person, DON'T freak them out! That opening line is key. Sorry, that's all I've gots.

  • Chris  
    September 25, 2008 at 12:25 PM

    One technique I clipped from a King of Queens episode is to hang out at the picture pick up area at Costco or Walmart or Target, whatever large big box chain you have, after rifling through everyone's photos, find a couple that looks fun (criteria might include photos that show parties, skiing vacations, wild orgies etc) and then just wait for them to show up. You can build instant rapport with them by referring to your love of skiing, lawn bowling, wife swapping etc whatever activity you noticed in their photos sets.

    Also, you might consider that if you have, for instance, a love of processed meats, you can just hang out in the bologna isle at the grocery store and chat up those folks that have a similar love of processed meats. Its a bit thin to hang a relationship on, but its only a starting point.

    Carry on.

  • Toryssa  
    September 25, 2008 at 8:25 PM

    I think hanging out in the bologna isle is the way to go. Surely.

    Otherwise, I've got nothing. One would think that other parents would be ideal - but as you pointed out, the age gap is a problem. And all the ones my age? Skanky hoodrat whores. While I might have some slight whoreish tendencies, I'm not a fucking hoodrat.

  • Mighty Dyckerson  
    September 28, 2008 at 6:26 AM

    I'll be your friend. I feel like we're buddies already since I've been banging your wife for the last year.

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