They Keep Getting Fatter, I Keep Getting Richer  

According to updated data released by the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, and Trust for America's Health, Americans are still getting fatter. More than 25% of adults are now obese (30+ pounds overweight) in 28 states (overall obesity rates are up in 37 states total).

It should be of little surprise that 9 out of the top 10 fattest states are in the South. Unless of course you've never watched Paula Deen's Home Cooking or seen an episode of Cops, in which case this might be news to you.

"Our analysis shows that we’re not treating the obesity epidemic with the urgency it deserves,” said Jeff Levi, executive director of TFAH, in a news release. “Even though communities have started taking action, considering the scope of the problem, the country’s response has been severely limited. For significant change to happen, combating obesity must become a national priority.”

Not everyone is as concerned as Levi though. Says Harvey "Big Top" Peterson, "What the government should really be spending our tax dollars on is a solution to the growing problem of weight-challenged bias out there. How am I to blame for my parents giving me the fat gene?" Peterson, a Mississippi native, is a well-known carnival food supplier and credited with inventing the fried candy bar. "It's a funny story, really," he says. "One day at work I was having a snack and my Snickers fell into the fryer. There was no way in hell I was going to let it go to waste; I only had a single bite out of it for God’s sake!"

My personal opinion is against clouding the issue by harping on the South alone. Most "modern" food is bad for you in so many ways that it's certainly not isolated to that part of the country (as clearly evidenced by the results). The fact that they are slightly fatter than everyone else is simply because they take what's horrible for you in the first place and spread a little butter on it. Which is a lot like giving some guy grief for refusing to bathe his puppy after kicking it around all day.

And if that wasn't enough good news, cases of type 2 diabetes are up in 28 states. Good news in the sense that my stock portfolio is hedged against human potential, with heavy vesting in Arby's, The Hoveround Corporation, and Gold Bond Body Powder.

Bookmark and Share

7 Reasons to Live

  • Ryan  
    August 20, 2008 at 4:16 PM

    This hits home really hard.

    But for real, Southern people are horrible for a variety of reason. I suggest we attempt to reduce obesity rates in the non-South zones, and let them continue frying bowls of chocolate sauce until they can no longer hop on a Rascal to get to the nearest voting booth.

  • AJ  
    August 20, 2008 at 7:26 PM

    I have no comment as I have eight months of getting fat ahead of me. lol

  • The Grunt  
    August 21, 2008 at 9:21 PM

    When people meet me, after having only known my brother, they can't believe that we are related. I've always been beefy, but not fat. My brother started out skinny as a rake and now weighs in at 370 pounds and is only 6' tall. He experiences the world through his mouth, I guess. I love him, but I am not looking forward to being one of his pallbearers for a lot of reasons, one being hernia.

  • Chris  
    August 22, 2008 at 1:20 PM

    Perhaps this will be unhelpful but…

    little did Mr and Mrs Shivers know that their little tussle in the back seat of a 1927 Ford Model T Coupe would be the genesis of America’s struggle with the ever expanding mid-line. This mid-line expansion was made possible when in 1959, their son Joseph Shivers, the product of said tussle, invented Spandex, a revolutionary invention which quickly found its way into clothing products and in some circles, all but replaced the more restrictive textiles of the day such as Levi Jeans.

    Can you say Butterfly Effect?

  • Em  
    August 23, 2008 at 7:04 AM

    It's pretty sad ... ewww... I just looked more closely at that picture... anyway... it's sad. I feel worse when I see obese children. I mean what the hell? People blame it on genetics. The parents can't help it. Not true. Once upon a time an obese child was like, unheard of... it isn't genetics it's the fucking food you're feeding the kid. Yes, genetics can make it more difficult for some people to maintain a healthy weight but everyone can be healthy if they choose to eat healthy foods in reasonable amounts and move their fat ass off the couch every now and then. It isn't that I don't care or understand how difficult it is. I like McD's too! But it is a matter of choice. People need to take some responsibility for their own actions.

  • Christie  
    August 23, 2008 at 5:34 PM

    Is that her stomach hanging out? Damn!

  • minoanpdx  
    August 24, 2008 at 7:17 PM

    I'm dating a guy from Mississippi. Please advise.

Post a Comment