Douchebag of The Week  

Let's be honest guys... take the inflated world population, factor in the number of people who think Dean Koontz writes quality fiction, sprinkle it with those who have ever sported -- or supported -- a popped collar, and I've got enough fodder to showcase a daily douchebag and not run out of material for three lifetimes. However, the over exposure might infect me, and the last thing this planet needs is another spiky-haired douche and his massive collection of techno CDs.

This, the introductory post [update: this is going to be the only one] of DBOTW, falls in line with current events and the recent launch of the iPhone 3G. I'm neither a Mac fanboy nor am I in possession of the requisite disposable income needed to purchase one. Yet even if I was, I certainly wouldn't camp out for days just to get one, or any other product for that matter.* But millions do, and they can't all be shithead virgins. I heard Kimbo Slice loves his iPhone, and although I doubt he had to stand in line for it, let the record show that those capable of tearing out your trachea and slapping your mother in the face with it deserve some respect. Today's douchebag, a reporter, attempts to pick the geekiest guy out of the iPhone line and berate him with ignorant questions, which as you'll see quickly backfires, though sadly his trachea remains intact.

* Does not apply to robots I can have sex with.

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5 Reasons to Live

  • Christie  
    July 18, 2008 at 6:57 PM

    Huh, I swear I saw you in that line.

  • The Grunt  
    July 20, 2008 at 9:30 AM

    The thing is that supposed geeks like that guy in the line are getting quality snatch these days.

    I wonder if that reporter has seen his mother naked? I mean, why else would you have a job as a perma-douche?

  • Diane  
    July 28, 2008 at 3:17 PM

    I have an iPhone. I didn't wait in line for it. I'm not very tech-y but I've been way to excited about the new App Store feature that allowed me to download Tetris and the complete works fo William Shakespeare!

  • Crystal  
    July 29, 2008 at 12:59 PM

    dean koontz is not that bad, ok?

    does that mean i am a douchebag?
    thanks for eliciting that epiphany, jay. thanks.

  • Ryan  
    August 5, 2008 at 2:46 PM

    That guy is a total douche to be sure, but what the hell is going on with that anchor desk?

    Is that a giant teleprompter deal sitting in plain view? Did the station give up and decide not to pretend anchors do anything more than read?

    The Apple store here is a major place to go to pick up high quality tail around here.

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